Behold…He Makes All Things New…

  tulip tree..photo taken by me from my deck on the back porch

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,

he is a new creation.

Old things have disappeared,

and-look!-all things have become new!

Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

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Isaiah 43:19 See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

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Isaiah 65:17 "Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.

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Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.

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John 3:3 In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."   Credit

As I was having coffee this morning, I found myself thinking  about these passages. It occurred to me, that as we begin a new year, this would be a good place to begin reflecting on the New Year and our goals. It’s easy to look back over the last year and feel as if we had somehow come up short. Perhaps you feel you didn’t do enough, be enough, or somehow accomplish all that you should have or maybe wanted to. I know I certainly feel that way sometimes!

I hope that as you are writing your New Year’s resolutions, that you will be gracious to yourself, to your family, and to others. We are, after all, not perfect.  Certainly, this is the right time to consider how we can improve in those areas that need it, and it is good to reflect on the mistakes of the last year. Why did we make them…how can we change? These are questions to reflect on.  It’s also a perfect time to reconsider our priorities and how we are spending our time. Are we being faithful in the little things..or just racing down the road with little thought for our direction or the impact of those decisions on the lives of those around us.

my amaryllis...bought by dear hubby last week...

At the end of the day though, if we are in Christ Jesus, in other words, if HE is Lord of our lives and we are trusting in him for our right standing with God, we can have peace. We can trust Him to make us more like Him in every circumstance. If we are listening to that still small voice telling us what is good and what is not, then we need not feel condemned about our past mistakes nor our present trials. We won’t be perfect until we get to heaven. It is the direction we are headed in and what road we are on and who walks that road with us that truly matters. The Lord’s mercies are new every morning!

So while you are setting those goals…be sure to give grace to yourself and everyone else. Life is a marathon…not a sprint!  We don’t want to look at ourselves and our flaws and get so discouraged that we say, “Oh well…forget it. I quit!”  Nor do we want to look at all that we have yet to do and say through gritted teeth, “I WILL conquer this thing..I Will!”  What the Lord really wants from us, is to surrender “I” altogether and simply let HIM change us.  Then, with peace in our hearts we can say, “Yes Lord, I’m willing….to be changed.” 

photo by daughter Rebekah while having tea yesterday...

Here’s a song I wrote about ten years ago, when I was struggling with those New Year’s resolution blues. It’s called, “Enter In Anew”.   You can read the words here. It’s not GREAT…but it came from my heart. I hope you enjoy it.  :o) Just remember…He makes all things NEW!

I'm linking with one of my best bloggy friend's linky party today, Goal Setting. You will be so inspired if you visit!

 

Shopping, Strangers...and Love..

Ahh! I’ve got you curious..eh? This is not a story about falling in love with strangers while shopping. Watch Sleepless in Seattle if you want to see people falling in love over the glove counter. (I love that movie too!-for sure!)  But today, for my last post before the holidays, I’d like us to get our cups of tea, settle down in our favorite corner and take some time on this fourth weekend of Advent, to focus on love…  

This is the time of year when genuine love, the kind God showed us by giving us his only Son to reconcile man to himself, is in short supply. God gave what he cherished most to us…complete strangers in many ways. 

But too often, in our rush to get the best bargain, the perfect gift, or the last one..off the shelf..showing love to strangers isn't the first thing on our minds. Is it?

My daughter has been working exhausting hours at a fairly nice store that’s at least one step up from Wal-mart. She and all her co-workers are being asked to work longer hours..and back to back shifts… so she’s not getting quite enough sleep. And she’s just a ‘part-time’ worker..but they squeeze it all into the weekend.

Having had a heart to heart chat with the girl at the returns counter at Wal-mart, I’m very glad my daughter doesn’t work there. This poor girl was exhausted too but also discouraged because of the continual selfishness of some customers and the demanding people that she was having to deal with during the holidays.  For instance, one woman kept bringing back $1500.00 in returns and throwing fits, calling corporate headquarters, and cussing because they wouldn’t let her do it AGAIN…for the second time that month. She did this EVERY month. This is a little excessive, I think.

 

Apparently, some shoppers have gotten into the mind set that they can buy what they think they will need for a party, a project, a PTA event…and then, almost with no regard for the condition, bring back what we didn’t use or didn’t want. This is selfishness..pure and simple… and shows no regard for the worker across the counter.  

Ladies, I know girls , like my daughter, are being paid (minimum wage only), to put away all 36 items of clothing we tried on (buying only one), to hang up our clothes, re-package the socks we wanted to see, or run all over the store trying to get a price for items with no price tags.  Yes, if we weren’t so messy, they wouldn’t have a job! LOL! I keep reminding my daughter that if it weren’t for holiday madness… she wouldn’t have a job. “Just be patient”, I told her, “and remind yourself that these ladies will all be much nicer…after the holidays!” :o)  

But they are not getting paid to be yelled at, cussed, treated rudely, or to take the heat while we vent your stress from an exhausted shopping experience. It really isn’t their fault if no one is in the toy aisle to find us a price over the phone. It isn’t their fault, if the return we want to make isn’t according to their company’s policy.  Even though companies, like my daughter’s hire lots of extra people, they can never hire enough to give us what we want instantly, and when the get overrun, then even their very well planned systems can’t handle it..perfectly.

Every day, my dear daughter comes home with tales of customers wanting the impossible while she and her co-workers scramble to do the impossible—keep order and give customer service in a professional manner while people are frantically undoing all that order.. enmasse..in their rush to get that last gift…that perfect gift… at the absolute last minute possible. 

I’m proud of her because she keeps a chipper attitude and is grateful to have a job at all. She hunted for months for that first job, but the economy has put a lid on even the most menial jobs for college kids. I can only imagine what adults are going through.  Most days, she loves her job…loves helping people find the perfect outfit for a wedding..in an hour…or helping poor lost men find something that fits. She really loves checking people out and chatting and joking with them at the check out register. She says she has yet to have a customer that didn’t leave her counter happier than when they came in. 

Thank goodness, most of us aren't that self-centered...but when things get crazy, and we're out of time..attitudes that we didn't intend..can start popping up. Even as I wrote this, I thought about how frustrated I was with the misinformation and lack of information I was getting from the receptionist at our local college.  It wasn't her fault of course, and even at the time, I didn't blame her. Still, I'm afraid my attitude was 'showing'.   I, of all people,  know how poor communication is at a college..I worked at one for years!

But to waste hours of driving time and waiting time, and not even being able to call someone or get the someone to show up for our 'appointment' just to register for school...well, I don't think I was smiling that day. And now I regret having let it show... 

This Christmas, can we recall to our minds, those early days when we were working our first jobs? Can we look at our cashiers, and notice if they look tired, or exhausted…and give them a kind word, and a thank you. We could commiserate with the hours they are working or the long day ahead…and simply smile at them. And while we are at it, lets treat stores like we would our homes, not leaving things out in the wrong places, but putting them back if we don’t want them, or at least give them to the cashier to put in a returns basket.  All that putting back of ‘stray’ as Rebekah’s co-workers call it, sends the teenagers home at 1:30am instead of midnight.  And we all pay the cost for this extra work in the end.  

Today, if you have to go out and shop…be sure to do it with a loving heart, and a kind word…Let’s plan, today, to love strangers while we are shopping…:o) It’s the perfect season..to do so. If we can’t find the perfect gift, at least we can show perfect love… 

Love suffers long and is still kind,

Love is not pushy, rude or proud.

Love doesn’t demand it’s own way.

Love believes the best about the other person..

If you want to know more about the kind of love God gave to us and that he would like us to share with others…read the rest of I Corinthians..Chapter 13. And until January 3rd, do have a very blessed and Merry Christmas!

 If you would like to join my tea party, just link up to a recent post..or even an old one! I’d love to drop by and visit while I'm on my vacation..and hope you will all visit our contributors too! 

Musings on The Ghosts of Thanksgiving Dinners…Past…

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Musings on  Thanksgiving dinners from years past have been mulling in my mind this morning in less than the brightest colors, I’m afraid.  Memories of time-honored dishes like the lumpy bumpy  mass of congealed mush (which certain relatives called cornbread dressing) bring back quiet horrors of my childhood days. I believe I was permanently scarred by these experiences…. (Yipes!)  For years, I never ate dressing if I could avoid it because the thick mass of stuffing and the heavy flavor of sage had always made me gag. The murky, slightly thickened liquid with the nameless parts of the less delectable remains of the turkey (otherwise known as giblets) floating in it, which was to be poured over said mushy dressing,  was always a little nerve wracking for me to swallow. Eating this gravy was, as a small child, something akin to Russian roulette: Any bite might result in a mouthful of turkey liver--I sometimes feared to take the next bite. How I despised the horrid pungent taste of liver! 

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But to be fair..better, more ‘hallowed’ memories come to mind too…. The delectable, melt in your mouth taste of heavenly, buttery whipped potatoes, piled in bowls in snowy white drifts, bring back phantom hunger pains even now….40 years later. I had decided, even as a child, that it was not feasibly possible to make too many whipped potatoes—experience with my own family has proven this to be 100% true. No matter how many pounds of potatoes I peel, cook, and whip, they are always gone by the end of the day. Green bean casserole and golden slices of juicy roast turkey only added to the delightful pain of an overfilled stomach. But the pain was always worth it, I can assure you! Out of respect, we won’t mention certain overly dry pieces of white meat; quiet evidence of turkey roasting gone awry. After all, no one, not even Grandma, is perfect--Rest her dear sweet soul. 

 

As I recall, it took at least one tediously dreary TV rendition of a football game, and a good  rousing romp in the back yard with the cousins holding rock throwing wars, while our grandparents dosed noisily in their lazy boy recliners, to digest our long awaited repast.  Then came the crowning achievement…the pies! Pumpkin(so-so), pecan (my favorite!), apple, peach, and even chocolate pies appeared from cupboards and atop refrigerators and were spread out along the counter top with a triumphant flourish…all ready to be generously dolloped with not so healthy doses of fresh whipped cream.  I can tell you, it was never hard to say thank you to the Lord for such a bountiful feast, even if it was laced with cornbread dressing and giblet gravy.

I do hope the ghosts of Thanksgiving past, otherwise known as my dearly departed grandmothers , will forgive me these belated complaints as I certainly admired most of their cooking. It wasn’t their fault that my young and inexperienced taste buds were still too sensitive to appreciate the strong flavors of sage, or that my overactive gag reflex just couldn’t tolerate the pasty texture of liver and stuffing.  I’m certain too, that giblet gravy was made with all the proud housewifely gusto of frugal kitchen queens down through the ages. Somehow, the fact that every last speck of turkey was gone when dinner was over (or at least by the next week) made the giblet gravy a crowning work of art to the grand accomplishment of Thanksgiving dinner, (Their motto,  “No part left behind!”) …not to be repeated…until Christmas… a mere month later. I'm convinced that our poor mothers, of years past, took at least three months to recover before attempting to repeat one these sumptuous and breathtaking affairs, on a smaller scale, for Easter.

Knowing that Thanksgiving dinner is a major undertaking, and requires many years of practice to perfect, I have decided to post a blow by blow description of our traditional Thanksgiving dinner down to the hour-- tomorrow morning. You will notice that the gravy is missing the requisite lumpy bumpy parts: It’s just pure golden bliss.  And the stuffing comes from Stouffer's, because I don’t know how and don’t want to know how to make stuffing. I leave that to my foodie friends.  (Feel free to recommend a recipe.)  I have discovered that I actually do like bread stuffing..as long as it isn't mushy of course. Keep in mind that my next post is supposed to be about dinner for BEGINNERS or moms like me who are  either too tired or just too busy to spend hours, days, or even weeks working in the kitchen for a meal that will be over in one hour or less.  But I do want my kids to grow up with some special memories of delicious dishes…so I’ve included them in my tutorial tomorrow.

Though it will make my foodie friends cringe,  I’ve unscrupulously suggested store bought pies (heaven forbid!), for my busier readers, partly because they are so easy to ‘doctor’ up.  (Thanks for the tip, Grandma!) Besides, I made wonderful pies from scratch for YEARS only to discover that my dear hubby thought I had been buying them from the store all along.  I was crushed! All those years of hard work and he never knew!  So don’t kill yourself over this dinner. It’s about friends and family as much as it is about the food..and more importantly, Thanksgiving is a day to remember, with gratitude, all that our heavenly Father has done for us…and sometimes an overfilled belly can cloud our thinking. And, of course, we don’t want to get so stressed out about the ‘perfect Thanksgiving dinner’ that we can’t enjoy celebrating with our nearest and dearest. Thanksgiving, is, after all, about giving thanks. 

 

How about you? Have you got any nostalgic Thanksgiving day memories you’d like to share? I know we would all enjoy them immensely! Why don’t we have a little linky party of favorite Thanksgiving day musings? Just because the department stores have forgotten Thanksgiving, doesn’t mean we have..right?

And Be sure to come back tomorrow for Part II: How to Make Thanksgiving Dinner…for Beginners

and Happy Homemaking!





PS. To any dear relatives reading this..I did really LOVE my grandmothers' cooking! (All except for the stuffing and giblet gravy. :o)

How to Take the Stress Out of Christmas

 

It’s Tuesday Tea Time at Rayanne’s  again..and time for a little chat. So break out your mug of hot cocoa or tea..and let’s talk about stress…and Christmas. I know, it’s sad to think that those two have to pop up in the same sentence. This morning,  I thought I’d start a Christmas ‘to do’ list and for once get an early start!  (Why does this never happen?!!)

So I energetically sat down with my cup of hot cocoa, my marker board and a pen and enlisted my daughter’s help to ‘brainstorm’ with me. Together, we came up with a list of the usual things that we hope to accomplish each year around this time….

  Christmas To Do List

• Make Christmas Budget with Hubby
• Gift list for Immediate family
• Gather Shipping Supplies
• Gift list for Extended Family (Ship by Dec.5th)
• Online Shopping
• Christmas Shopping

• Decorate the House for Christmas
• Card list (Address Envelopes)
• Write Family Newsletter – Print Copies
• Take Christmas Family Photo
• Operation Christmas Child Shoebox
• Sewing for Nieces and Nephews
• Photobook for Parents

• Set Up a Giftwrap Center
• Make Holiday Candy
• Make gifts

• Hang Lights
• Decorate Tree
• Set Up Advent Wreath
• Plan Christmas Dinner
• Holiday Baking

Then I dutifully tried to squeeze it all into the calendar between now and Dec. 25th.  Of course, there were already lots of things on the calendar; Thanksgiving, a square dance, a wedding shower, a car repair, Rebekah’s new job, Jacob needing to register for school, estate paperwork, and sewing projects that still need to be finished before the end of the month.  This was quite enough to make any sane woman panic!

How grateful I was, that I had gone to bed EARLY for a change and as a result, woke up EARLY. I had a chance to read my bible and pray for a whole hour before the rest of the family began to awaken..and before I started this much needed task of planning for the holidays.  Sometimes lists are helpful..but sometimes they can just scare you out of your wits! Tee-hee!

As I contemplated the seemingly impossible schedule, I thought about last Christmas. I knew my father was dying…and it was looking more and more like I was going to have to leave even before Christmas arrived. In fact, I did have to leave three days before Christmas. I spent Christmas Day evening in the hospital with my father..and New Years’ Eve too.  Amazingly, I was able to spend the actual holidays..Christmas Day with my family. (24 hours total)..but it was arrive at night and drive home the next day—four hours each way.

I discovered something last year…that the proverbial Grinch learned so very long ago--Christmas is NOT about packages and bows, or even food and Christmas cards. It’s about loving people..loving your family..friends..neighbors..anyone within your ‘circle of influence’. I didn’t get to do a lot of the things on my list that had seemed so very important in November; No cards..no letter…no family photo…no candy. (I’ve still got 8 pounds of almond bark in the freezer from last year.)  I did get to sew handmade gifts for my nieces and nephews.

We managed to buy our children their gifts…and we got the packages shipped. (And I got to surprise my dear hubby with a dream come true…cello lessons and a cello!)  But I didn’t even help take down the tree. I was making funeral arrangements by then.

  A month before Dad went to be with the Lord…

Somehow, sitting there in the hospital, holding my father’s hand, munching cookies that some dear souls had brought to the hospital and singing Christmas carols with the nurses and doctors and my father, I knew that THIS was what Christmas is all about. It’s about spending time with those you love, worshiping our dear Lord, celebrating HIS birth, and showing our love to everyone around us. It’s about helping those in need in a special way..especially those needier than ourselves. It’s about giving.  The other stuff is just extra—fluff if you will.

Here is the passage in the bible that I read BEFORE making out this list..the one that we all need to meditate on to keep us in the right ‘frame of mind’ while doing our usual holiday activities and festivities…

Matthew 6:31-34 (NIV)

³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

It’s great to plan ahead and to DO ahead too…but don’t let the list get you down. Decide what you can skip…or simplify.  Buy some goodies if you have to, instead of baking them. Better to have time to spend with your family and friends…with a thankful heart.. than to be stressed because you didn’t do everything on your list…or do it all the way you planned.

Write your list, certainly, but then offer it up to the Lord in prayer..and make sure you keep doing that. Start every day with prayer..then check your list twice. Cross off the unnecessary, and have some fun with your kids. Bless your neighbors in some little way. Giving is the heart of Christmas. And remember…Jesus really is the reason for the season!  (Whatever you do, don’t worry!)

Our favorite Christmas tradition is to make almond bark candy and read short devotionals each Sunday evening for advent. We now share that event by going over to our son and daughter-in-law’s home too.  We take turns having ‘advent’.

We light candles, sing songs (accompanied by ‘moi’ on the guitar), and eat our candy. It’s the one time of each week during the Christmas season that we do our very best to work into the schedule some quiet time to remember why we are celebrating. 

What’s your favorite holiday tradition? How do you make the holidays less stressful..or more meaningful?

Time for Tea: Making Your Home a 'Comfort Zone' for Hubby

Tuesday is a great day to have tea together and have a little woman to  woman chat, don't you think?  I really think we should make Tuesday mornings our time to visit and talk about things that will help us be the wives and/or mothers that we really want to be.  So why don't you grab yourself a warm cup of tea, add some cream..and meet me back here in a  minute.. By the way, my friend, Rayanne, of A Lovely Thought is hosting an online 'tea party' every Tuesday so if you'd like to visit other blogging friends who are having tea, just drop by.

Frankly, I'm going to have a hard time choosing which tea to drink! My friend, Shannon Mucha, of Blu-bambu, gave me these lovely teas as a thank you for helping her move a few weeks ago. But not only that, she gave me a little book about tea, and a gorgeous bowl with Japanese men on it. Wow...I have to say that I have a lot to learn about how to say 'thanks' to someone. Next time she needs help, I'll be sure to volunteer! Ha! Just teasing.. 

Well, if you have your cup of tea, let's chat just a minute. Really, hot tea and a warm quilt on a cold morning, makes me think of how important it is that our home be a 'comfort zone'. I've been reading about this in my favorite book on marriage, "Created to be His Helpmeet".  Of course, it is on my heart because one of my older children is struggling in this area. Is it any wonder?  We are all so selfish by nature-- me especially! Yipes!! How two normal people could stay married for life when this is the case is truly a miracle.

I agree with Debby that, "A good marriage is good because one or both of them have learned to overlook the others' faults, to love the other as he or she is and to not attempt to change the other or bring him or her to repentance.

I think if you asked any woman, who has been married a very long time ( like me) this is what they would say has helped them most.

One factor, that I think is so often overlooked in our busy and often child-centered homes, is the idea of making home a 'comfort zone' for hubby.   A husband wants to feel 'at home' when he is at home. Husbands' want their homes to be a safe place that is a respite from the demands of a hard and busy world. They basically want  respect, a decent meal, and a quiet and orderly home.  That is what many of us have set out to do for our dear hubbies...especially those of us who are SAHM's.  For some of you, perhaps that is not what defines 'comfort' for your husband, but if you want your marriage to last, it is imperative that you find out what does spell 'comfort' to him and make it your priority.  

Debby says it best here. "Men are not the uncaring creatures they sometimes appear to be. They highly treasure their families and like for their homes to be comfort zones. They want respect and a family that gives them security and purpose. Even though home life may get dull, men greatly value their own woman and children.

Men may allows the lust of the flesh to pull them away from that which they value, but they will try to get back to that comfort zone. It is this natural need for his own family that keeps a man caring for and bearing the responsibility for his wife and kids. When a woman does not provide for her husband a comfortable nest and a reverant attitude, she has to rely on his goodness to 'keep him" faithful. She is a fool to expect him to be a good husband when she is not being the help meet God has created her to be.

A man coming home to a tense or messy home, lousy meals, and a wife who is critical, might not have the "goodness" to remain faithful if a sweet young woman at work seeks to pull him away with the promise (illusion) of a more fulfilling comfort zone.

 Ladies, if the statistics are right, then many marriages have only a 50-50 chance of surviving. This makes me grieve more than I can say. Coming from a home of two divorced parents, I can tell you that it is painful for everyone involved, especially the children.  One of my heart's desires is to do all I can to help preserve our homes and to help you make them happy and help you be happy in them. But the most direct route to a happy home is not doing what we want, but learning to love doing what we should. Love first.. Give first..  Pray first...

God's word says it best in Luke 6:37-38.

37“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven. 38Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full—pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, running over, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back.^c”  New Living Translation

  
A happy marriage is all about giving..and giving first.  We have the remedy in our hands, dear friends. It's up to us to use it.  I pray for you this morning, that God will give you the grace to try doing 'marriage' HIS way. Especially if you have tried it your way and that way doesn't seem to be working. I would never condemn or criticize anyone who is facing a divorce or has been divorced.  But if you want an alternative..then perhaps I can point the way.  I know I wouldn't be married now, if it were not for these words. I thank the Lord every day for pointing out to me the way to a happy marriage.  

If you are struggling, please know that I care, and I know how very hard it can be to do these things when our mind is shouting out against them and we sometimes feel unloved.  (If I could hug you right now--I would!) But the Lord can help you and I promise, that as you give, without expecting anything back, your husband will give too. You can 'fall in love' all over again!  It may take some time, but choose to make your home a comfort zone and love your husband, because it is the right thing to do. It is in giving that we truly receive.   A happy healthy marriage is the best gift you could ever give to your children or yourself.

Happy Homemaking...

Sometimes Tea for Two means just Me... and the Lord

 Dear friends, It's been quite a week! I've been organizing the sewing room, installed a wonderful gift, a huge u-shaped desk that will serve for both sewing and teaching school and other desk work, and today I'm sewing as fast as I can to finish up the ministry banner I showed you last week.

This morning, it seemed that there were so many 'must do's ' that I wasn't sure where to start!  That's when I knew that I needed to start with the Lord. Who better to have tea with than him? Whether the day promises to be busy or not, that really is the best place for me to start. Without His peace, I would surely end up running around the house like a chicken with his head...Drat!--that's probably not the best idiom to use for this post. :o) But it's how I act sometimes...without the eternal perspective that I always get in my time with the Lord.

There are problems, that we all face, don't we?, that are just too big for us to handle, and there are some things in our day that we think we can handle on our own, only to find out we shouldn't have.  I need to take everything to the Lord and pray over it.  It's that simple.

(Thanks Secret Sister for the gorgeous place mat and coffee cup--whoever you are!?)

I have to get back to the sewing of the banner...a lot of hand-stitching of the beautiful border...but I wanted to leave this little excerpt with you for the day, that I got from reading in my devotional book (after reading 1st Peter...Sooo good!!).

And thanks Dear Hubby for the sweet rose!

The pure, simple, and steadfast spirit is not distracted by many labors, for she does them all for the honor of God. And since she enjoys inner peace, she seeks no selfish end in anything. What indeed, gives more trouble and affliction than uncontrolled desires of the heart?

A good and devout woman arranges in her mind the things she has to do, not according to the whims of selfish inclination but according to the dictates of right reason.  ~Thomas A'Kempis

(Personalized by me. :O)

  If any man serves..let him do it with the ability which God gives; that God, in all things, may be glorified, through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever.Amen. I Peter 4:11

ps. At first I posted this, to join Rayanne at A Lovely Thought's Tuesday Tea.  When I went to visit, it seems her tea linky party has been put on hold due to some difficult news she just received. Please keep my dear friend in your prayers and join her next week. If you'd like to leave a note to encourage her...visit her Tuesday Tea post today.

Happy Homemaking~

Sunday Tea with Me… Why We Should Smile More at our Hubbies

I've been wanting to share my tea set with My Romantic Home's Show and Tell...and here it is!  Be sure to visit to see more beautiful things. :o)  Linking up with Raising Homemakers...because this is what my tea times and these posts are all about.

 by Shona Cole

Dear Friends, 

How about a little 'Girl Talk'...
My daughter and I love having tea on the deck in the mornings talking about girl things.  She had a pressing question for me one morning. One of the things she had heard recently from a friend was “Everyone was so busy helping me prepare for the wedding…how come no one prepared me for the marriage?!”  It kind of shook her up to think that you could spend so much time and energy getting ready for a wedding only to have forgotten to get ready for the most important part…how to have a great marriage!

So, we’ve started a bible study on this topic (considering she is already 19) and I thought I’d share some marriage-reviving lessons that we’ve learned from the book we’ve been reading. Yesterday’s chapter really struck me as very important! In fact, it made me squirm to tell you the truth. I’m afraid I have been guilty of this kind of stand off in the not so distant past.

The author bluntly asked ...

Are you struggling with the ‘poor me’ attitude

in your marriage?

She says, “When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. From the very bottom of your soul you were thrilled with him. Every day you woke up planning some activity that involved you both. Is he still married to the same sweet little thing, or have you become a long-faced, sickly complainer?

Love is like a flower: you can’t expect it to grow without sunshine. Has your lover seen your sunshine lately? Is he still your lover? What would he say? “

She goes on to quote Proverbs 15:13, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance.” Everyone is drawn to a smile. Who and what you are is reflected in your face. Does your husband see you as a happy thankful woman? Does he smile when he looks at you, amused at the cheerful little grin on your face the the totally delightful things you think and say—even the dumb things? Learn to charm him with our mischievous “only for him” grin.”

Later she continues the chapter in a letter to a wife, whose husband is being unfaithful...

“Yes he is wrong, but your negative response, though justified, will certainly lead to the destruction of your marriage.

Your negative responses are not going to make your husband suddenly be the mature man who does what he ought. My husband says, “No man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s criticism to be a better man—no matter how justified her condemnation.”

   Your husband will never be pressured into loving you, even if you are his wife.  You cannot be pitiful enough to force him to love you.  (and later) What you don’t know is that men do not repent for the sake of an angry, critical wife. Your husband is going to love what is lovely to him.    It is a mistake for a wife to take her position for granted, to assume that love and contentment exist because ‘we are husband and wife.” In a perfect world, being married to a perfect man,your vows would be sacred. But that will not work in our present culture. Cultivate his love for you. Pray that you can remind him of the loveliness and beauty that first attracted him to you.”

Never demand that a man love you and cherish you because he ought to. Earn every smile and shared moment.

Why Marriage Can Be Challenging…  What I explained to my daughter, is that because two people who get married, are both, in reality, ‘sinners’ or self-centered, there are going to be conflicts.  If, in the daily process of learning to give and take, you begin to feel like he isn’t doing ‘his part’…not being thoughtful enough or caring enough or giving you enough attention, or being short with you, and if you decide to withhold your smiles, friendship, approval and admiration until he  starts ‘treating you right’, you will find yourself in a deadly game. It might be years before things derail but by the time you realize it, you may find out you have already lost. And with that attitude…focused on how “HE is treating ME”, you will never feel that he has met your expectations.  Guess what  the result is--he never gets your smiles!! And you never get to feel his love in return. This is a recipe for disaster! Who wants a marriage like that? 

The best advice I ever got about marriage was to keep short accounts! Forget and forgive everything that happened before today. Give your spouse a clean bill of health just like the Lord Jesus does for you EVERY day! Then you won’t be holding grudges and you can smile again, hug, and cuddle, and be the cheerleader your husband so desperately needs. And he will LOVE you for it! You will be ‘his girl’ again! I promise!!  

The bible clearly says,

Give, and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye give to others, it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

If you read this in context, it has absolutely nothing to do with money and everything to do with relationship! Don’t believe me?? Try not leaving comments on people’s posts and see how much feedback you will get! Lay down your rights and you will find love overflowing in your heart.

It’s very easy to allow walls to be built in a marriage, if you are not regularly forgiving your spouse and even overlooking things, for the sake of a close relationship with each other.  No one ever thinks the other spouse is doing his part.  Be assured that your lack of friendliness, kindness, and compassion are just as visible to your spouse as his lack might be to you. (And both of you probably feel quite justified in holding back!) Remember that the disciples asked how many times they must forgive their brother and the Lord replied, “7 x 70” meaning of course..as many times as they need forgiveness. 

Someone has to take the first step and give without expectation of getting back and when you do this and do it consistently, (the heart of genuine Christian love), you will rekindle the love and fellowship that brought you together in the first place.  So call a truce today…a cease-fire if you will…if you find yourself feeling like ‘poor me’.  It takes two to have a fight, but one of you can change everything by choosing to love the other..because it’s the right thing to do.

“Always remember, that the day you stop smiling is the day you stop trying to make your marriage heavenly, and it is the first day leading to your divorce proceedings!  STAND BY YOUR MAN!” (Debbie Pearl)

The bible says it  best in I Peter 3:9

New Living Translation (©2007)

 

Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.

In closing Debbie says,

“Being pitiful, hurt, discouraged, and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage’ coin. Men in general , are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him and manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react with anger. The other side of the bad coin includes having a bitter, angry, and resentful spirit.

Toss that old, destructive coin out the door before it buys you a divorce! Make a decision, right now, to break the ‘poor me’ habit. Tomorrow, wake up with joy in your heart and home.

Establish a new habit. What can I do today that will make him smile?

Click here for the best book about marriage that I have ever read next to The Love Dare!

 Love...Donna 

I don't sing very professionally, but if you'd like to hear a pretty little song that I wrote for Tim 

when we first got married click here.

 Here are the words....

Our Love

When first we met and hearts did greet,

some special something woke.

With friendly smiles and openness,

and kindly words we spoke.

Then happy times and visions shared,

and fellowship in God,

Brought oneness and companionship,

the first fruits of our love.

chorus: Our love,

is as strong as a mountain..

as sweet as a meadow..

as deep as the sea.

Our love...

is as gentle as a whisper.

Our love is all that love was meant to be,

because it comes from God,

our love will last..until eternity..

I'm so glad that God chose you...

for me!


VS.2

When it was young our love was like,

the glow of burning embers,

so quick to grow yet fragile,

oh yes, my heart remembers..

But now our loves keeps growing,

as time moves swiftly on.

we find a love more steady,

and a fire burning strong.


Vs.3

The struggles and the burdens,

the weakness in the one,

gives the other chance to live and love,

in the image of the Son.

I know our love will blossom,

our hearts, the hurts, will prune,

and oneness by the Grace of God,

will keep our love in bloom. 


This post by Becky of Jones Journey, was a perfect example of how to respond in a difficult situation... I"m so proud of her!!
Way to go Becky!

Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wisdom....I hope
A few minutes ago I was over at my house fixing some chicken spaghetti for a homebirth party we will be going to in a little bit. As I was scurrying around the kitchen I see my 13 year old brother in law coming over escorting Tyrel. I asked what they were doing since everyone else was hanging out over at Granola's.

MJ told me that Tyrel had pooped in his underwear. I immediately felt myself giving way to being mad. Not at Tyrel, but at Stephen. I have to deal with this day in and day out all the time. And yet, when everyone is over visiting at Granola's and I'm already missing out on that, he sends him to me to deal with it, rather than dealing with it himself.

I grabbed Tyrel's arm and dragged him to the bathroom to deal with his mess. All the time seething at how inconsiderate, lazy and mean my husband was being. Now this is NOT my normal attitude. I adore my sweet husband. In our almost 5 years of marriage we have almost never had an argument and when we do they are short lived.

I finished dealing with Tyrel, sat him down in the rocker to think about NOT doing that again any time soon. He is nearly 3 and should NOT still be doing that.

I went back to fixing lunch, but this time with a dark cloud hanging over me. Telling myself all the things Stephen does wrong. Getting more mad as the time passed. Then I thought to myself. Great, I want to introduce Stephen to my friends I met at retreat today, and we're going to be mad at each other. Because I had every intention of telling him everything that was running through my head. Then I thought, Wait a second, we haven't fought. He doesn't even know I'm mad. What if I got happy, and never made a fight of it? Why does the day have to turn out bad? So I prayed and asked God to help me change my attitude. Not fake change it, but really get happy. Because really what is one more change of pants in the grand scheme of things. Within moments I was chatting happily with Tyrel, not upset at all.

Now here I sit with the spaghetti in the oven, waiting to leave. And so glad I didn't choose to ruin this day.
Posted by Becky at 10:19 AM 2 comments
http://bsjonesjourney.blogspot.com/

Thanks so much for sharing Becky!!
In Christ's Love...Donna