The Art of the Romantic Bedroom

Imagine your dream getaway...where would it be? What would your hotel, cabin, or bungalow look like?  The essence of a truly romantic bedroom is found somewhere in this dream of faraway places. In this wonderful place..life is easy and the setting is just a little bit exotic.

In this place there is plenty of time….to read that book you’ve been meaning to read…to relax and do nothing…and to really BE with the one you love..and no one else. At least for those few moments…the every day cares of life cannot intrude.

Too often, we forget that that is what a bedroom is really for. Of all the rooms in your home, this one will be the most personal to you and hubby. How do we make this special ‘getaway’ place?  It doesn’t rely on a large budget..but it does require some imagination and creativity. First, we have to focus on the real purpose of a bedroom.

Rest

The most important ‘function’ of a bedroom is simply rest. We want our beds to be like a cozy nest. The best hotels are experts at providing this. When Dear Hubby and I spent a week at a convention last spring, it really hit home to me just how much he loved the extra pillows (in three states of firmness), white and supple sheets, extra large bath towels and thick comforter. We live on a pretty tight budget, but I started setting aside a little extra each month for more pillows, sheets, and towels. He loved it!

And though Kitty really loves our bedroom, as does Percy our dog, we’ve decided that our bedroom is off limits to pets at night. Studies have shown that pets are the number one cause of lack of sleep . Consider a white noise maker or fan too.

And about children, as much as we loved them, our kids were rarely allowed to sleep with us except the first six weeks of life. Both we and they slept better if we weren’t in the same room. If you have a baby or toddlers..then try a baby monitor. I set it so that I couldn't hear the normal rustle of a restless baby or toddler, but would here a genuine cry. It helped me train the baby to sleep better since I wasn't jumping up to get them at the slightest noise.   Remember no rest = no romance. :o)

Relaxation

It’s so important that your bedroom be relaxing…a ‘getaway’ from the busy-ness and noise of daily life. It’s a great place to read or listen to music. I set up a place for Tim to keep his cello and practice during the day. His music is lovely and I sit and listen and crochet or quilt while he plays. It’s also a perfect place for a cup of tea and your morning devotions too. We both have bibles and devotional books on our bedside tables.

 The bedroom is not, however, a place for desk work or major sewing or craft projects. :o) A room where you have ‘work’ related items is not going to feel at all romantic. Make it easy to keep this room orderly and functional too with things like hat/coat racks, upright butlers, and chairs to sit on while dressing or removing shoes. 

Romance

Decor is the heart of a romantic bedroom.  This room is a great place to splurge a little. What would your ‘dream getaway’ look like?  Your bedroom can be that place… every day.  Our dream vacation getaway would be in a little English bed and breakfast. Our favorite romantic movies are all set in England or France.  Consider lighting, flowers, music, and privacy as these are all helpful in creating a romantic mood.

On the other hand, visual clutter will kill it. Too often, this is the room where things get hidden from view ‘just for now’ when visitors come over. This is a place to get away and recuperate. Don’t use your bedroom as a place to store excess stuff. Get rid of the clutter and keep things picked up so it’s always welcoming.

Privacy

And remember, romance needs privacy. Every other room in the house is available for family and visitors, but this is your ‘special’ place as a couple. It’s fine to share breakfast or a movie with the kids when they are little…but it should be an occasional event..not an every day occurrence. (A lock on the door is a must!)

So what does your dream vacation look like? Is it tropical…country…elegant… modern? Does your bedroom remind you of this lovely place? Rayanne of A Lovely Thought expresses this idea so beautifully here.

Here’s one of my favorite romantic songs which I’m linking up to Natasha’s Sunday Song.

Linking with

My Romantic Home’s Show and Tell Friday

and Raising Homemakers’ Homemaking Link Up
BTNOP Metamorphasis Monday

How to Be a Good Wife Today...From A List Written in the 1950's

 Sweet Apron I won from Andrea at The Freckled Bug

I'm so excited about this wonderful list that I just have to share it with you! Please understand--this is the REAL me. I love this list and have always tried to live by it. But I'd never seen it in print before. It was taken from a 1950's Public High School Home Economics textbook.    

Reading it again, gave me a renewed vision for my chosen 'career'. The things on this list are the most important goals I have as a homemaker and I love it!!  I've loved being a homemaker since the first day I married. I wanted to be the best wife and homemaker ever and I still do!is  In fact, this IS what I wanted to be more than any other job I might have aspired to pursue.

Home Comforts--My Favorite Homemaking Manual

Honestly, I sometimes lose sight of these goals. I've often heard that you should "schedule the BIG things and the LITTLE  things can just work around them". But I realized this evening how easily I can allow that perspective  to mess up my priorities as a wife and homemaker. Lately there's been a still small voice nagging at the back of my mind that recently reminded me that the 'little things really ARE the big things'.    They deserve more than just a 'lick and a polish'.

From the heart, I believe it is my calling to be hubby's helper..so much so that I originally considered calling my blog the name "Hubby's Helper".    It's also why I've had the same email monniker all of my computerized life (at least the last 12 years or so...  Homemaking@... the servers have changed..but not the monniker. But since the first day I married, I've struggled to stay focused. Keeping my priorities straight has always been difficult. Working before playing is not easy for me at all, even after all these years!! But I don't get down on myself about it, I just keep getting back on track :o).  (I'm the musical, creative  type person. )

  Please, if this is not your vision, just understand that I'm not trying to put it on you --I'm just sharing, very honestly,  what the Lord has put on my heart today. :o)  There are some readers who may appreciate this list of reminders and that's what my blog is all about.

"How to Be a Good Wife Today"

Credit

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home, and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.

• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be cheerful and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.

• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up schoolbooks, toys, and papers.  Then, run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.

• Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small). Comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them looking like treasures.

• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile.

Some Don'ts

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  Don't greet him with problems or complaints. (I personally take these to the Lord and try to get 'his' perspective so I'm not so worried or overwhelmed. We can talk about these later after the children are in bed.)

• Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.

• Make the evening His. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.

"The goal: try to make your home a place of peace and order, where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit." 

Gosh, this list was such a great reminder to me! I so easily slip into forgetting that this is the calling I chose--with eyes wide open!  I have so much more freedom to schedule my work and my hobbies and projects too, than dear hubby does. I need to remember how much I loved doing all these things the first five years of our marriage and why I loved doing them!  

Our anniversary is only a few days away--so this was just the 'company vision' statement that I needed to read.  I know not everyone feels this way--in fact some may really feel this is demeaning or out-dated. I do understand--but I just don't feel that way at all.  I love my job as a helper to my hubby and I love using all my gifts, talents, energy, and enthusiasm to make my home a wonderful place for dear hubby, my children and myself  to enjoy and fellowship in.  

I hope I never quit loving my man this way. He's not perfect..but he's MINE--and He's worth my very best efforts. :o)

Happy 23rd Anniversary, Hubby!

XOXO

Your Loving Wife,

Sunday Tea with Me… Why We Should Smile More at our Hubbies

I've been wanting to share my tea set with My Romantic Home's Show and Tell...and here it is!  Be sure to visit to see more beautiful things. :o)  Linking up with Raising Homemakers...because this is what my tea times and these posts are all about.

 by Shona Cole

Dear Friends, 

How about a little 'Girl Talk'...
My daughter and I love having tea on the deck in the mornings talking about girl things.  She had a pressing question for me one morning. One of the things she had heard recently from a friend was “Everyone was so busy helping me prepare for the wedding…how come no one prepared me for the marriage?!”  It kind of shook her up to think that you could spend so much time and energy getting ready for a wedding only to have forgotten to get ready for the most important part…how to have a great marriage!

So, we’ve started a bible study on this topic (considering she is already 19) and I thought I’d share some marriage-reviving lessons that we’ve learned from the book we’ve been reading. Yesterday’s chapter really struck me as very important! In fact, it made me squirm to tell you the truth. I’m afraid I have been guilty of this kind of stand off in the not so distant past.

The author bluntly asked ...

Are you struggling with the ‘poor me’ attitude

in your marriage?

She says, “When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. From the very bottom of your soul you were thrilled with him. Every day you woke up planning some activity that involved you both. Is he still married to the same sweet little thing, or have you become a long-faced, sickly complainer?

Love is like a flower: you can’t expect it to grow without sunshine. Has your lover seen your sunshine lately? Is he still your lover? What would he say? “

She goes on to quote Proverbs 15:13, “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance.” Everyone is drawn to a smile. Who and what you are is reflected in your face. Does your husband see you as a happy thankful woman? Does he smile when he looks at you, amused at the cheerful little grin on your face the the totally delightful things you think and say—even the dumb things? Learn to charm him with our mischievous “only for him” grin.”

Later she continues the chapter in a letter to a wife, whose husband is being unfaithful...

“Yes he is wrong, but your negative response, though justified, will certainly lead to the destruction of your marriage.

Your negative responses are not going to make your husband suddenly be the mature man who does what he ought. My husband says, “No man has ever crawled out from under his wife’s criticism to be a better man—no matter how justified her condemnation.”

   Your husband will never be pressured into loving you, even if you are his wife.  You cannot be pitiful enough to force him to love you.  (and later) What you don’t know is that men do not repent for the sake of an angry, critical wife. Your husband is going to love what is lovely to him.    It is a mistake for a wife to take her position for granted, to assume that love and contentment exist because ‘we are husband and wife.” In a perfect world, being married to a perfect man,your vows would be sacred. But that will not work in our present culture. Cultivate his love for you. Pray that you can remind him of the loveliness and beauty that first attracted him to you.”

Never demand that a man love you and cherish you because he ought to. Earn every smile and shared moment.

Why Marriage Can Be Challenging…  What I explained to my daughter, is that because two people who get married, are both, in reality, ‘sinners’ or self-centered, there are going to be conflicts.  If, in the daily process of learning to give and take, you begin to feel like he isn’t doing ‘his part’…not being thoughtful enough or caring enough or giving you enough attention, or being short with you, and if you decide to withhold your smiles, friendship, approval and admiration until he  starts ‘treating you right’, you will find yourself in a deadly game. It might be years before things derail but by the time you realize it, you may find out you have already lost. And with that attitude…focused on how “HE is treating ME”, you will never feel that he has met your expectations.  Guess what  the result is--he never gets your smiles!! And you never get to feel his love in return. This is a recipe for disaster! Who wants a marriage like that? 

The best advice I ever got about marriage was to keep short accounts! Forget and forgive everything that happened before today. Give your spouse a clean bill of health just like the Lord Jesus does for you EVERY day! Then you won’t be holding grudges and you can smile again, hug, and cuddle, and be the cheerleader your husband so desperately needs. And he will LOVE you for it! You will be ‘his girl’ again! I promise!!  

The bible clearly says,

Give, and it shall be given to you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye give to others, it shall be measured to you again. Luke 6:38

If you read this in context, it has absolutely nothing to do with money and everything to do with relationship! Don’t believe me?? Try not leaving comments on people’s posts and see how much feedback you will get! Lay down your rights and you will find love overflowing in your heart.

It’s very easy to allow walls to be built in a marriage, if you are not regularly forgiving your spouse and even overlooking things, for the sake of a close relationship with each other.  No one ever thinks the other spouse is doing his part.  Be assured that your lack of friendliness, kindness, and compassion are just as visible to your spouse as his lack might be to you. (And both of you probably feel quite justified in holding back!) Remember that the disciples asked how many times they must forgive their brother and the Lord replied, “7 x 70” meaning of course..as many times as they need forgiveness. 

Someone has to take the first step and give without expectation of getting back and when you do this and do it consistently, (the heart of genuine Christian love), you will rekindle the love and fellowship that brought you together in the first place.  So call a truce today…a cease-fire if you will…if you find yourself feeling like ‘poor me’.  It takes two to have a fight, but one of you can change everything by choosing to love the other..because it’s the right thing to do.

“Always remember, that the day you stop smiling is the day you stop trying to make your marriage heavenly, and it is the first day leading to your divorce proceedings!  STAND BY YOUR MAN!” (Debbie Pearl)

The bible says it  best in I Peter 3:9

New Living Translation (©2007)

 

Don't repay evil for evil. Don't retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.

In closing Debbie says,

“Being pitiful, hurt, discouraged, and even sickly is one side of a “bad marriage’ coin. Men in general , are repulsed by women who project this image. A man’s spirit tells him his woman is rejecting him and manipulating him when she regularly manifests a broken spirit, and he will react with anger. The other side of the bad coin includes having a bitter, angry, and resentful spirit.

Toss that old, destructive coin out the door before it buys you a divorce! Make a decision, right now, to break the ‘poor me’ habit. Tomorrow, wake up with joy in your heart and home.

Establish a new habit. What can I do today that will make him smile?

Click here for the best book about marriage that I have ever read next to The Love Dare!

 Love...Donna 

I don't sing very professionally, but if you'd like to hear a pretty little song that I wrote for Tim 

when we first got married click here.

 Here are the words....

Our Love

When first we met and hearts did greet,

some special something woke.

With friendly smiles and openness,

and kindly words we spoke.

Then happy times and visions shared,

and fellowship in God,

Brought oneness and companionship,

the first fruits of our love.

chorus: Our love,

is as strong as a mountain..

as sweet as a meadow..

as deep as the sea.

Our love...

is as gentle as a whisper.

Our love is all that love was meant to be,

because it comes from God,

our love will last..until eternity..

I'm so glad that God chose you...

for me!


VS.2

When it was young our love was like,

the glow of burning embers,

so quick to grow yet fragile,

oh yes, my heart remembers..

But now our loves keeps growing,

as time moves swiftly on.

we find a love more steady,

and a fire burning strong.


Vs.3

The struggles and the burdens,

the weakness in the one,

gives the other chance to live and love,

in the image of the Son.

I know our love will blossom,

our hearts, the hurts, will prune,

and oneness by the Grace of God,

will keep our love in bloom. 


This post by Becky of Jones Journey, was a perfect example of how to respond in a difficult situation... I"m so proud of her!!
Way to go Becky!

Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wisdom....I hope
A few minutes ago I was over at my house fixing some chicken spaghetti for a homebirth party we will be going to in a little bit. As I was scurrying around the kitchen I see my 13 year old brother in law coming over escorting Tyrel. I asked what they were doing since everyone else was hanging out over at Granola's.

MJ told me that Tyrel had pooped in his underwear. I immediately felt myself giving way to being mad. Not at Tyrel, but at Stephen. I have to deal with this day in and day out all the time. And yet, when everyone is over visiting at Granola's and I'm already missing out on that, he sends him to me to deal with it, rather than dealing with it himself.

I grabbed Tyrel's arm and dragged him to the bathroom to deal with his mess. All the time seething at how inconsiderate, lazy and mean my husband was being. Now this is NOT my normal attitude. I adore my sweet husband. In our almost 5 years of marriage we have almost never had an argument and when we do they are short lived.

I finished dealing with Tyrel, sat him down in the rocker to think about NOT doing that again any time soon. He is nearly 3 and should NOT still be doing that.

I went back to fixing lunch, but this time with a dark cloud hanging over me. Telling myself all the things Stephen does wrong. Getting more mad as the time passed. Then I thought to myself. Great, I want to introduce Stephen to my friends I met at retreat today, and we're going to be mad at each other. Because I had every intention of telling him everything that was running through my head. Then I thought, Wait a second, we haven't fought. He doesn't even know I'm mad. What if I got happy, and never made a fight of it? Why does the day have to turn out bad? So I prayed and asked God to help me change my attitude. Not fake change it, but really get happy. Because really what is one more change of pants in the grand scheme of things. Within moments I was chatting happily with Tyrel, not upset at all.

Now here I sit with the spaghetti in the oven, waiting to leave. And so glad I didn't choose to ruin this day.
Posted by Becky at 10:19 AM 2 comments
http://bsjonesjourney.blogspot.com/

Thanks so much for sharing Becky!!
In Christ's Love...Donna

Andrew and Elisabeth are married!

Since writing this, I have gotten some pictures developed. Shannon sent me the wedding pictures on the later posts. This picture of Rebekah, Elisabeth, Me, and Elisabeth's best friend Rachel was taken by a friend at a Bridal Luncheon that my friends Terri, and Tammy (and I ) put together for Ebeth. Rachel was a maid of honor at the wedding. We got to be really good friends when we all went shopping for bridesmaids dresses, along with Terah . (Rebekah was at a debate meeting.) We also had a fun evening making wedding candy favors , bags and white chocolate roses on lollipop sticks. Elisabeth played a German musical and translated it for me while we worked. It was beautiful. Peggy Woody helped put the roses together...Rebekah and I and Ebeth, and Kim Spendlove made more later and even poor Christian and Jacob got roped into working roses! Our friends, Peggy, Ruth, Sarah, Molly,Valerie, Stephanie, Lisa, Becca, and Kim all made bunches of candies in molds to give as favors. Carrie Ray gave me the idea and it really helped us do favors much less expensively and they were so pretty too!

Elisabeth's Dad and brother, Johannes came to visit and attend the wedding. We had a great Texas cookout with a bunch of steaks we grilled. Johannes really really likes steaks so he took lots of pictures of them and of me grilling them. But I don't have them yet. Here he and Klaus , Elisabeth's father, are waiting and visiting with Elisabeth and our family while the steaks were grilling. I think Andrew was taking pictures. Klaus liked my chickens, whom I called to come meet him. They waddled up to us as fast as they could go and he also like Percy, Rebekah's dog who is very friendly!I'm not sure why Christian isn't smiling... but it was a wonderful day for grilling..perfect spring weather and beautiful flowers and birds everywhere. We had a great visit with Ebeth's family. Tim's parents are coming to meet her in April since they couldn't come to the wedding due to Tim's grandmother passing away in March. Elisabeth's mother is also coming in April and we look forward to meeting her too. In the evening, Klaus and Johannes played the piano...they are incredible musicians and Klaus also sings in a choir. Johannes has published a CD and they are playing the whole wedding march for the wedding. Ebeth wanted me to play and sing 'Texas' songs on the guitar for her family, so I played the Streets of Laredo, Yellow Rose of Texas, and the Wabash Cannonball, plus Deep in the Heart of Texas. They thought our songs were really neat (and funny too I'm sure!) We look forward to seeing Klaus and Johannes again some day soon.


Love,
Donna