Tuesday Tea #26 ~ Giving the Gift of Undivided Attention

 

Last week, I was reading my second most favorite person's blog- Ellen Lubin-Sherman who wrote the book, The Essentials of Fabulous Book". Wow--I LOVE her book--AND her blog.

Maria of Colour Me Happy's blog is my favorite. But I ADORE all of your blogs. It's just that these two blogs teach me about things I have a SERIOUS deficit in.  :o)


In one of her posts she described an imaginary woman she loved....  Ellen made a profound statement about this wonderful  woman who 'didn't remind you that you'd already told that same story twice, but instead pretended to never have heard it before.'  She mentioned...

the sheer joy of....
' being marinated in the delicious brine of someone’s full attention..'

Wow--Ellen certainly does have a way with words!

Though her story inspired me, it was also painful to read as I know that I am often distracted. I'm guilty of NOT listening. I know it.

I try to listen...look like I am listening...

but often I'm not. My kids know better...

When they were little, they would put their chubby hands around my cheeks and physically turn my head nose to nose with them and say, "Listen Mommy!"

Whatever in the world could have been more important than my dear children's stories and questions? I can't remember now...

This week I practiced 'marinating my friends in the brine of my full attention.'

What an easy way to bless those we love!

  The day after reading Ellen's post, I got my chance. Hubby started off into a lengthy exposition on the latest addition to the table of elements, the political unrest in some obscure country, or something...I can't remember now...but I made the conscious decision to LISTEN..really listen... with all of my mind, my eyes, my heart.

For the first time in ages, I became totally entranced with what my dear hubby...the lover and best friend was saying. Instead of thinking or voicing the immediate thoughts of, "Oh yes, I read about that too..blah..blah..blah..", I just smiled and paid attention, asked questions...etc.  

And a small miracle occurred.... He suddenly stopped talking to the son on his left whom he had originally been chatting with. Now, his eyes glanced at me as his head turned and he realized I was actually looking at him.

Soon his head was bobbing back and forth between me and our son. He just couldn't seem to resist the fact that I was actually paying attention. 

He had no idea that I was 'practicing' on him. LoL!  He seemed so pleased though I'm sure he didn't realize quite what was happening--or what was different.  It's a little sad to think how often I've given him only half my attention and heart... rather than all of it.

In a few moments my son pitched in with his own story and examples, so I slowly swung  my massive  'beam' of undivided attention over to his direction. Again the same reaction.

He talked, I listened. I asked questions--good ones.  I looked at him eye-to-eye. I said nothing.

And in his face I saw that same sparkle of pleased reaction in his eyes as he finally realized that he had my complete, whole-hearted, and  undivided attention. I was interested and giving thoughtful responses and he could tell it. 

He could see that I wasn't about to get up and walk away to busy myself with more 'important'  tasks. My eyes weren't scanning the room thinking of the next task I needed to do. 

I didn't interrupt. I didn't add my 'own' story. 

For this one magical moment, the conversation was all about him.

He talked and talked...soaking in my undivided attention. And he smiled...

I've had several more occasions this week, to put this idea into practice. I met with friends at the Honor Society Induction meeting yesterday and at the party afterwards.  We played pool while our husbands played at another table. The kids were in the laser tag room. To be honest, we ladies didn't get much playing done because there was so much 'chatting' going on. Again and again, I remembered to be quiet, and listen.

People are so much more interesting 

than I ever thought possible!  

--including my own family! 

It's so easy..and so sweet..to listen to those we love.

Really..it's just kindness..and love and the assurance that they are special to me.  It's a gift that we can all give, if we will just slow down and make the conscious decision to do so.

There really is ENOUGH time...to LISTEN. Just do it!

Ellen, thanks so much for sharing that life-changing story with us. It was hard to see my 'lack' in the mirror of introspection..but good too. I'd rather change than go blithely racing through life, missing out on the blessings of deeper relationships.

Have you found yourself distracted by work, computer, cell phone, while your children or hubby are waiting in the wings? Are you too  busy to really listen?  

These are good questions for us to ponder.
 

I'd love to hear your thoughts as we chat over our tea today. I'm drinking Earl Grey again. As Francis said, "I like eating the same thing. I always know what I am getting and I am ALWAYS pleased." Ha!

What are you drinking today? I'm so looking forward to a visit. I think my party preparations are going pretty smoothly now so I hope to visit throughout the day. Just link up here if you'd like to join me. :o)

By the way, I went back to count all of my Tuesday Tea posts. Can you believe that this is the 26th one? I started on Nov. 8th with Rayanne of  A Lovely Thought. Wow..time does fly!  I decided that I might as well number these tea chats to celebrate our fun. :o)

 I'm linking with these lovely ladies for tea time..... 

Raising Homemakers
Tracie's Cottage Flora Thursday

Thanks so much for joining me! 

Lady Katherine's Tea Time Tuesday

The Plumed Pen's  Tea for Two

Rose Chintz Tea Time Tuesday

Martha's Favorite Teacup Tuesday 
Wanda Lee's Teapot And Tea Things Tuesday 
Pam's Teapot and Tea Things Tuesday

A Delightsome Life: A Return to Loveliness