Goal Setting for the Overwhelmed

 

Dear Readers, It’s time for Tuesday Tea and I’m so looking forward to visiting with you this morning! Please do get your cups and tea…and pull up a seat. :o) I’d like to talk about what to do when you find yourself overwhelmed with too much to do..and perhaps little desire to do it.

 

If you would like to link up your tea cups, tea and your own posts about what is on your heart today, please feel free to join us at the end of this post. Just be sure to mention Tuesday Tea and link back here in your post. I’ll be sure to drop by over the course of the day. :o) 

For all of us, I think that there are times when we feel overwhelmed by our lives. When that happens, it’s really hard to do anything at all. So it probably seems crazy to discuss goal setting in this situation.  I was in that exact place just last year. I’ve been wanting to share about a really amazing transformation that has taken place in my life since then.

Six months ago..I was overwhelmed…completely. I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t seem to move forward. I woke up most mornings feeling an indefinable foreboding..like I was about to be swamped..but by what, exactly, I was not certain.  I felt guilt over a million undone tasks and like I was permanently behind. So I distracted myself by doing things that made me ‘feel happy’.  Not consciously of course, but looking back, that is what I did. 

The solution to this situation isn’t ‘fun’ but it IS simple..and it works. It isn't as easy as making a list  of goals or New Year’s resolutions…they don’t work at a time like this. I simply needed to change my focus from the ‘optionals’ in life like hobbies, TV, blogging, home re-do’s and repairs, shopping etc, to the BASICS of life like food, clothes, money, and a clean home.

  In other words, I needed to start doing what I ‘ought’to do

before doing what I ‘wanted” to do.

Not that you can’t ever have fun, but it can’t take priority over the basic needs of you, your spouse, and your children. All you get when you do that is GUILT and lots of it! The natural result is depression..plain and simple.

The Lord very gently showed me this, one morning when I woke up feeling bad..yet again. There was a lot of tension and stress each day, bills not getting paid, last minute sketchy dinners etc. No one was really happy. Yes, my father had passed away only a short time earlier..and I was doing double duty on paperwork..trying to maintain two sets of finances..and traveling so much that I could barely unpack..and sometimes didn’t before heading off to the next trip with my son. No one felt I wasn’t working hard enough or trying hard enough.  But when I had spare time..I just kind of checked out for the rest of the day. Relationships become strained when we are not brave enough to say NO to overcommitment..or even to ourselves and our ‘ideals’.

When life gets that tough, something has to go.

You can’t just keep on without making adjustments.

If you are in a similar situation, you really need to sit down with your spouse or a good friend and take stock. What can be changed about your scenario?  Perhaps you need to give up cooking all organic from scratch meals…for a season..and buy some pre-cooked stuff. Perhaps hubby needs to take over the bills..like mine did. (It made no sense for me to do both while on the road.) Sometimes we aren’t willing to give over any of our responsibilities because we are afraid ‘they’ won’t do it right. But we are talking survival! 

Another thing that surprised me was when I also realized that my heart was not in my home. I’d begun to find too much pleasure and satisfaction in my hobbies..bloggy friends…and pleasing others when they asked for this favor or that at the expense of my responsibilities.  I felt like that song from ages ago "Torn between two lovers.."  I was frustrated with never getting to do  the things I 'loved' but then felt awful about not caring for my home the way I truly wanted to at the same time. So I ended up doing both 'sides' of life poorly.

The Lord finally showed me that my family needed me and that was my first priority. As I was praying, I got this crazy idea. What if I decided to dedicate my whole self..talents, abilities, energy, creativity..just to being a good wife and mom..and to maintaining our home? What would happen? Well..heaven happened..that’s what!

I began to make the basics my PRIORITY instead of an after thought.. I focused on doing things WELL instead of always getting things done with just a ‘lick and a polish’. 

 

The guilt was soon gone…the awful sense of foreboding…the pressure.. It all just vanished in only a few short days. I knew in my heart that these were the tasks that I had ‘signed’ up for. And when I didn’t do them well, I felt like a failure. When I began to give my heart and focus back to the things I felt I OUGHT to do..I suddenly felt peace and joy. And amazingly, I began to catch up.

There is no better feeling than being able to face the ‘unexpected’ in life with plenty of groceries in the fridge, clean clothes in the drawers,  money in the bank, and a clean shiny sink! 

 I got a calendar and filled it in with the kids appointments and hubby’s  schedule so I wouldn’t keep being unprepared for what was coming up each day.  When there was extra time, I made a list of the MAJOR tasks that needed handling, things that would soon be a crisis if not dealt with. One by one, as a ‘love offering’ to the Lord and my family, I tackled those things. Soon, I was feeling confident, happy, and focused. And then..one day..I had T-I-M-E! Time to sew, and even quilt without guilt. But I also found myself finding more satisfaction in my job as a homemaker and sheer joy at being able to develop deeper and more loving relationship with my husband and children.

I hope my story helps you just a bit. It isn’t fun to find yourself in this place..but the Lord can get us out of it, if we are willing to listen to the things he’s saying to us..there on the backburner of our minds and hearts. I think you know what I mean. :o)

Thanks so much to Faith, Hope, and Cherrytea for sharing her Teacup exchange with us last week. I sent mine off yesterday before the new cold front came in. I can't wait to show you my new cup from Kim. :o)

Tracie at Fishtail Cottage showed us the most lovely tea cup I have ever seen..isn't it gorgeous!And Rayanne told another sweet story about a little girls tea party...I loved this invitation..priceless!   Thanks too, to a new friend, C. of The Bird's Nest who shared from her heart about the difficulties of finding time for 'tea' with little ones in tow all day. How I remember those days! Thanks to all of you who commented and encouraged me last week at our little 'tea party'. You bless me much more than I do you!!

    Do let me know if there is any way I can pray for you today…

Linking to Raising Homemakers Wednesday Link Up 
and Brent Rigg's Linky Tools (Another blogging 'mentor'..Thanks Brent!)

Psalm 37:23-24 The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord and he delights in his way. Though he fall--he shall not be utterly cast down--for the Lord upholds him with his right hand.

 

Our Story...How this blog came to be

 

As we start out the new year  of 2011 together, I thought it would be a great time to re-introduce ourselves...here is who I am..and what Comin' Home was and is 'supposed' to be all about. I'd love to hear from you too. 

Love, Donna :o)

**********************************************

Our Story...

For years now, I've been doing what I could to make a happy home. Since I was a little girl, I've always believed that homemaking was the best job anyone could ever have. I believe that women everywhere are uniquely designed by our Heavenly Father to do it better than anyone else in the world. It is where we become, grow, develop, thrive, bloom, and mature.  The art of homemaking is a lost one that I wanted to help revive in our busy modern world.

Rebekah, Andrew, Jacob, Christian, and Matthew...14 years ago...

Rebekah, Jacob, Tim and I..this year

I truly love being a homemaker.  I love the contented smile on hubby's face when he walks into a clean house and dinner is ready--He thrives on order and peace. I love helping the kids pursue their dreams even if we do have to do it on a budget.

My software developer husband has been able to work from home for over ten years at a small company, which we consider to be a privilege beyond words, but that has meant living on a pretty tight budget. With five talented kids, and 22 or so years of homeschooling, I've had to not only become very creative at making ends meet but also very efficient--there are only so many hours in a day!

 

Christian and Tim this summer

The kids...four years ago.

It just so happens that I come from a long line of urban homesteaders (literally farming IN TOWN), artists, musicians, and family members with the gift of gab (sigh..). I love to learn new things...I crave making things...and most of all I love SHARING how to do it. I know not everyone can figure out the HOW to do it, and I enjoy teaching so much.

That's why I do so many tutorials. I love pictures and though I'm not a very good photographer, I try to take my pictures as 'creatively' as possible so you can enjoy the beauty of what we do as well as the information. (My youngest is incredibly good at photos--so I borrow his abilities whenever I need to show 'two hands'. )

I can't tell you how thrilled I was when I figured out what a blog was!! It occurred to me that I finally had an outlet to share all I've learned over the last 23 years of living on a shoe string and having a great time doing it! No more workshops, overheads, long drives, and busy schedules. Now I can share what I do with you from the comfort of both my home and yours.

The bible says, "to whom much is given, much is required". I've been given more than my fair share of talents, learning ability, will-power, and a willingness to be 'transparent'..to be public, I guess you would say. (The kids are another thing.."Oh no mom!!! No blogging!!) My head is constantly filled with new ideas and they exhaust me..it feels so good to get them out and onto paper...I mean the computer--Ha!

I have no need for 'credit' or kudos..just a heart-felt desire to give you that same joy of accomplishment that I feel every day. That glorious feeling of "I did it...myself!" without all the expense of running to the local store, is a refreshing one in today's mass manufactured, virtual living, world.

I want you to get to share that love of making something with your children too. We don't want to lose the many rewarding and fulfilling arts of the home, even if we only get to pursue them after an eight hour work day. You are capable of so much!

I'm so glad you dropped by...so do get that cup of tea...

and let's have some fun making a lovely home...together. :o)

Frugal Decorating with Thrift Store Bargains

Ladies, if you've been around since May, you will recognize this post...but I did, so much, want to share it again because it goes so well with my dear friend, Maria's linky party of fun and frugal wall art. If you have some great ideas, then by all means, drop by and share in the fun. Her readers would love to see what you come up with and so would she. :o) And do tell her that I sent you..I'm one of her biggest fans. :o)

Discovering my Unique Style…

If anyone is head over heels smitten with nostalgia, I must admit..I’m the worst!  It’s not that I want to ‘step’ back in time…but I love antiques!  Record players, typewriters , sewing machines, and kitchen utensils just fascinate me!  My family all love to dance: waltz, West Coast swing, square dancing, and fox trot…so we have collected a lot of old records too.  My home is filled with beloved treasures from the past. I know it's not romantic in the pink and frilly way, but I think that there is nothing more so than a rustic family home in the country.  PS. My mom bought this shelf for $5.00 at a local thrift store. It was pure pine..but I stained it oak to match the dining room table. 

Prints from Local Thrift Store

Every Tuesday, Maria Killam of Color Me Happy  hosts a linky party  of fun and frugal wall art  , so I have linked to this great show today. Be sure to visit her blog! I linked up since everything I used to re-decorate came from the thrift store! That's as frugal as it gets!  If you would like to see some beautiful projects and great ideas, than her Linky Party would be well worth a visit.

The best Christmas present I ever got myself, a public school record player ($25 on Ebay) plus .50 records from the thrift store, turned out to be a family obsession! We are re-discovering the music and dance of by-gone eras and even though our house is full of boys…they are crazy about dancing as much as my daughter is!    

Frish Frosh by Henry Mancini

We clean house to the sound of big band music via Henry Mancini and Frankie Carle. (Christian’s favorite is the Can-Can though. He’s never made the association with the dance though. :o)  So naturally, my house reflects this love to some degree but there is a problem….

Ecletic Decor or just Hodge-Podge?

Today, I want to talk about some decorating principles that are helping me to transform my house from hodge-podge to an overall style…and boy, have I ever needed help! I’m afraid I’ve been ‘living’ in transition.

 After 23 years of rental homes and decorating with gifts, cast-offs, and leftovers, my house had split up into decorating war zones…

I jokingly refer to my decorating style as the ‘White House” method. Over here you have the green room…and then the blue room and here’s the country cottage. Ahead and to the left we have the Victorian Era, and then the super-modern  Nasa Control center (four computers in one room!).   In other words, I was breaking a lot of rules for decorating that left the house seeming confused and cluttered with all the doo-dads and gee-gaws ( as we call excess stuff  in Texas).

Antique books from my father, 1950's photo of Grandma, Man and Wife cross-stitch that took over 10 years to complete while raising five little ones. (Tim and I bought it the first year we married. :o) It's so sweet that I thought I'd post this at My Romantic Home's Show and Tell.

Identifying the Problems  

The more I read Maria Killam’s Colour Me Happy blog…the more dissatisfied I became. I had always known something was wrong..but not WHAT. I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately and I think it’s beginning to sink in.  After  reading Maria’s posts and talking with my decorating friend, Laurie,  I came to the conclusion that I had three major problems:

• No overall color theme or decorating style.
• Using lots of little decorative objects….instead of a few big things to decorate with.
• Decorating with hand me downs, gifts etc that didn’t look good together and were out of style—needed good arrangements with the RIGHT stuff.  

Decide on a Decorating Style

Deciding on a theme or style was the easy part. We have lived in the country for five years now and it makes sense to decorate in a way that compliments our new lifestyle. With my love of antiques and quilts, that was something I would enjoy and wouldn’t require a lot of new purchases. The hard part was parting with the decorative stuff from past homes that didn’t go with the new look. I was just too attached to my stuff! 

Tim loves the northwest style of decor but has also developed an affinity for the country life and western style of Texas (after 25 years he’s beginning to acclimate!!) and I love the Western theme and retro antiques.  I recently inherited my father’s western drawings, antique photos, and self-portrait and wanted to work that into the mix too.  I also wanted to emphasize Tim’s love of nature and the outdoors.  We are very classical in terms of music so there will be an instrument here and there but no more formal decor or Victorian stuff!

Choosing a Unifiying Color Scheme or ‘palette’

Choosing a color palette and scheme was harder. I couldn’t decide whether to start from scratch (expensive) or decide which of the current decor and color palette that  I should stick with.  Rebekah and I discussed this at length, and we both agreed that we would transition from burgandy and blue in the living room…to brown and navy (with a western flair) as the main colors.  She wanted to do the whole house that way, but I have to work with some unchangeables. So the living room colors became the MAIN color scheme..and the other rooms have variations of that set of colors.

Actually, the colors we are working with now, for the whole house, are navy, brown, burgandy/red, cream, and maybe olive green. Leaving the olive allows for some of the current decor and especially my sewing room which I just re-did to some degree--though we didn’t paint yet. We aren’t finished here but we are working towards a trend…  I guess you would call these Americana colors.  Read more about the right way to create flow using color by Maria Killam.

Getting Rid of Old Decorating Styles

Until we chose a unifying decorating style, we wouldn’t really know which decorative items to keep and which to get rid of.  Click here to learn more. Well it means that the Victorian bedroom…is out…O-U-T!  I’m selling the bedding, curtains, runners and pillow shams. I’m packing up the trinkets that I can’t part with or meld into the ‘woodwork’ so to speak.  We are transforming it to country but keeping the furniture. (I am frugal after all.) So we will be using quilts that I’ve already made or own, re-covered pillows, and anything else that will work.  Instead of elaborate gold and deep red curtains, I’m re-fashioning a shower curtain (the outer part) which is heavy cream woven linen type material with gorgeous texture into two curtains for the long narrow windows in the bedroom.  The Sante Fe look  in the kitchen and dining room has got to go!We hate it anyway and my husband despises it--Good reason to switch don’t you think? 

Before and After: Changing Styles of Decor

Here’s how we switched the color and style scheme for each room so that it’s ALL country or rustic style.

• Living room: Before-country style (burgundy and navy)  After-more western style (Brown and Navy w/Deep red accents to allow for antique photos and drawings)
• Dining room: Before- Santé Fe style (green, rust and burgundy)  to country style (Blue and White checks, with yellow accents)
• Kitchen: Before- Santé Fe style (green, rust and blue (counters )and red accents)  to country kitchen style (Blue and White with Red accents)
• Sewing room: Before- Pastels and romantic tea room look to simple pale blue with green accents.

Let’s Go Shopping! Thrift store decor…

Now that we knew what style we wanted and what our overall color palette was, we headed out to the best place for cheap decor ever….our local thrift stores.  Rustic is easy to pick up, but we also wanted texture…wood, dried flowers, beaten metal etc. We found items with labels still on them from Pottery Barn, Michaels, Hobby-Lobby, and other name brand decor stores…all cheap!  A beautiful fake plant (daffodils and leaves..almost looks real that was perfect for the bathroom. ($30.00 from Michael’s). Carved wooden fruit (paid $2.00 for a basket full). The best find of the day caused me to spend a whole $15.00!! It was a gorgeous antique record player stand with slots for the albums. I really needed to get it out of the hutch it was in. We could barely play records because there was so little room for it. I almost cried when I saw the price. I’m still recovering…what a God-send!  

Our hunt was for rustic and BIG!  We were trying to get rid of my little stuff. However our house is small so we did get some smallish things too. With baskets loaded we checked out and headed home.  I knew some of what I wanted before we left because it had been on the list a very long time anyway so it didn’t take us long to get what we needed. When we got home, we packed up everything that didn’t match the Rustic Theme to be sold or given away later.  Then we started pulling out things from the bags. The only thing we bought from an actual store was some large pillar candles for the coffee table and some tapers.  

Introducing the Art of TableScapes….

Our next step was to make good arrangements either on the wall or the various tables and end tables.  This is where Maria’s post about Tablescapes really transformed the look of my home. 

I’m still pinching myself  to see if it’s really MY house anymore! I know my efforts are amateurish..but they sure are better than what we had before.  Also her look on Styling for a Photoshoot had such amazing before and after pictures. In analyzing them, I realized how little it takes to transform the appearance of a room!

We have a long way to go, but in only one day, we’ve made a major transformation in our home. I always wondered how hotels got it right and what their secret was…well, interior decorators really are the secret. However, we can get some of that ‘look’ by learning some of the rules for decorating.

Monday’s Challenge: 

Last Few Days - Livingroom and/or Den 

O Vacuum everything: furniture, under furniture, floors, lampshades

O Dust high and low: ceiling fans, floorboards, picture frames, cobwebs, steroes, tv and other electronic equipment

O Polish Furniture, bookshelves

O Wipe all glass: windows, knickknacks, tvs, computer, stereo, pictures, telephone

O Declutter magazines, end tables, bookcases, closets (Maintenance decluttering)

Declutter Challenge:  Declutter your DVD’s and CD’s (movies and music).  How many do you really watch or listen to? We keep pretty pared down but I know most people don’t. So this week, let’s get things organized here. :o) Netflix and the library help keep us decluttered in this area. 

New habit for this week:   Keep the living room picked up—all day long.  If someone leaves something, out make them come back and pick it up. Declare the living room a clutter free zone.  I’m not saying not to have fun, but unless you have a maid, teach your children to learn to be responsible for their own mess. If the activity is over…the stuff needs to be put away. This way it stays pretty and is more inviting for the next activity. :o)

I hope you've enjoyed this little blast from the past and don't forget to check out my First Blogiversary Giveaway for two hand-quilted totebags for two winners.  The drawing is on November 1st!

Happy Homemaking!

Donna

Why I Love Hotel Rooms: Cleanliness, Order, Beauty, Symmetry..and of course maids!

Do you ever find yourself wishing you lived in a four star hotel room? I have always been fascinated with them! I'm writing right now from the comfort and luxury of a beautifully made bed in my PJ's at a hotel only 30 minutes from home! 

Tim is working at a stylish desk while listening to his favorite classical music on Pandora. (Online radio service.) So he's in heaven too!

We went to see Inception last night and didn't get back until very late, so we slept late, skipped breakfast and are now enjoying the peace and quiet of being 'away' from normal life just for a bit. Tim still has to work but we will take off at four to go play pool at Main Event. (One of our favorite date night activities.)

Being at this modest, but pretty hotel, with its bright, modern, green, white, and orange decor is so pleasant! It's so very like being a little girl at Grandma's house again. Staying at her house was almost the same as staying in a luxurious hotel. :o) I'm sure I fell in love with homemaking because of her and her amazing way of keeping house. 

She was the most stunning housekeeper and homemaker I ever knew. And what made it so special was that she loved everyone in her life and enjoyed having guests to pamper. It was why she did such a good job. She kept her home beautifully so she could use it to bless her family.

Her lovely home exuded order. It was beautifully and tastefully decorated. (Alright..I admit, she didn't have toddlers running around all week!) Her house was sparkling clean. I only vaguely remember her vacuuming but I know she vacuumed every day. The drapes, couches  and paintings along with little quilted covers for the coffee tables were all so so pretty. 

I remember that she made the most wonderful breakfasts and would always ask us if would we like eggs and bacon or oatmeal (and hers was the best I've ever tasted!).(I don't recommend made to order breakfasts every day of course. :o)   We always had juice in quaint little glasses and ate on the most beautifully arranged table I've ever seen. She had a whole dresser devoted to 'linens'. Setting the table was an art form with Grandma!  Everything in the kitchen was bright yellow orange and green (a lot like my hotel room but with more yellow!) It seemed that she brought the sunshine right into the kitchen.

We often went somewhere exciting for the day and  when we returned home, she cook a delicious dinner. It seemed that she always made our favorite dishes. And her desserts were just to die for!  I have so many pictures in my mind of her at the stove dressed in stylish clothes with a crisp clean apron tied around her waist. 

When it was bedtime, we would all watch the Lawrence Welk Show in her beautiful pale green and blue livingroom and then, when it was over, she would say (cheerfully), "Time for a bath and bed girls!" Her bathroom smelled like a powder puff and she had the most luscious bath mat--deep pale blue shag. Even her tiny laundry hamper was so pretty..white wicker with little brass stand and feet. It was NEVER overfilled.

She did laundry every day. I think she only did a couple of loads a day and she always folded the clothes on top of the deep freezer straight from the dryer. She didn't have a 'folding table' so she had made a quilted pad to lay on top of the dryer whenever she folded her clothes. It was the prettiest yellow and orange daisies with white trim.

When we had all been bathed and dried in her fluffy white towels she would let us put powder from her powder bowl with a big fluffy puff. Do you remember those? They had a ribbon strap that went across the back of your hand. I loved the smell of that powder!

Then, it was off to bed...a perfect little guest bedroom with clean fresh white sheets, comfy quilts, thermal cotton blankets, and fluffy pillows. She had our favorite books, The Bobbsey Twins, on the bottom shelf where we could get to them and read a little by a small bedside lamp before we went to bed.

All through the night, I would hear the clock chiming the hour and half hour (Westminister chimes) and know that all was well. And in the morning...we would wake yet again to the smell of bacon..and a cheery greeting.

I loved my grandmother for a million reasons, but that she gave me the vision for what a difference a wonderful woman can make when she gives her focus to making a beautiful home for those she loves, I love her most of all.

Our world would be such a different place, if more women aspired to be the 'queens' of their homes and their hubby's and families' hearts, as Grandma Wood did.  And I think hotels are wonderful, because in many ways, they recreate that feeling of home..and being cared for. Don't you?

Is there a homemaker from your life that you have always admired? I'd love to hear about her!